Long Days and Lazy Nights

16 May 2009

Today has been productive and very busy. Beyond the very end, sitting down to type this will easily be the most I've been able to sit down since 7:50 this morning (when I woke up).

It's a Saturday yes so normally I'd be sleeping in until 9:30 just like every other day, but today my church had Angel Food so I woke up early to get in and help out. Honestly though, I wasn't of much use this month. We do this event monthly and if I could come home from college I would always use my Saturday to help out. I helped fill boxes but after that I had to leave for the Lizers lake house to help Mr. Lizer prepare for his party.

.... I'll sum it up by saying I worked for a LONG time - 9 hours actually. I only sat down for five minute periods and those were typically once an hour. Although not quite that often and not always for five minutes. Still I was there to work and he had offered pay and I would have felt AWFUL if I didn't work. In the end he was still too generous... but I digress.

I'm exhausted and I can't wait to get up and head to church before nine for the second day in a row. At least tomorrow I have La Caretta to look forward to, mommy and bill promised me. ;) I love the Vances. Bill treats me like a friend and Kathy treats me like a daughter. It's nice to have some mothering once in a while and she's a 'cool' mom. Still, having the friend side makes me feel more like an adult and as if I'm coming into my own. To make a refrence to a book series called Wheel of Time, I feel as if the women's circle just let me braid my hair. My culture doesn't really have a defining point of when you are no longer a girl, but a woman and I think sometime I passed it. Something about doing ALL the cooking and cleaning last summer, making my own decisions about school and when and where I will do something, having a committed relationship with my long-term boyfriend, making and backing up my opinions and beliefs, and leading so many different events allows me to feel grown up. I'll even be living in an apartment next year. Granted I don't have a career yet, but I'm very near that point in life now and I've made a decision (finally) about what I'll be doing with my life. I already have my lifelong partner too so I'm almost set. It's hard to figure out when you hit the transition, but some things seem to just click now.

I hadn't planned on discussing any of that, but I guess whatever pops into my head works for here. Nothing fancy, just my own thoughts written out. :) I like it.

Now, onto a topic thats a bit more dreary. May is making me sad. Three people have died in the past week and all from cancer. I went to a funeral for one of them yesterday and a second one was today (although I was unable to attend). That's two funerals in two days.... One being today, well that's just icing on the cake. A year ago today, May 16, my mom passed away from brain cancer. or a tumor. or whatever sickeningly deadly disease you want to call it. It makes me glad that I was kept so exhausted throughout the day and so busy because I'm afraid that thinking about this too much would cause me to slip back into a negative spiral. Not depression by any means, just that negativity that I've mentioned multiple times before. I've been much more positive the last couple of days and I'm sure part of it is keeping busy and part of it is being with Noah for much more time than I'm used to. At least without having to do homework together because its all we have time for (aka the LAST month of school).

I still miss my mom a lot, but I don't think of her clearly very often because I don't want to open myself up to it. Actually, I should probably stop here because it's all a bit too real even as I type this.

I'm looking forward to many things this summer: returning to old friends (Heather, Logan, Chris, etc.), having a job, taking physics, spending time with Noah, relay, reading, and becoming my own unique person. That last one is hard to describe but I always had that image in my head of who I would be and I think I'm ready to become that woman. In fact, I'm farther along that path than I probably would have ever predicted I would be. I'm proud of who I am and the decisions I've made and I hope to say that for many years (decades) to come.

Tonight has been my rest and peace. I've reunited with my Old Christmas friend, Cream Soda, and I'm ready to jump headfirst into the adventure that is in my book. Vanilla reeds are on the bedside table (part of that image) and my birthday is in a matter of days while Noah is surely frantically looking for something to get me. I'm sure he'll do well. As for me, I guess I'll say goodnight, adieu, buena noche.

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