I Love You

11 June 2009

Ever had a bad day? Have you ever thought that the phrase "bad day" isn't quite sufficient? Okay - isn't even CLOSE? Why is it so black and white. Good day, bad day. Maybe once in a while an 'eh' day when you really didn't do anything. That's just the way we are though. When someone asks how we are we say "fine". When asked about how our day has been we say "good" or "ok". It's hard for us to open up about what's going on and people don't expect us to. What would happen if a person asked you how you are and you actually RESPONDED? "Thanks for asking! Actually, this morning I woke up late and was on my way to meet my workout date in a rush and got out the driveway only to realize I forgot my yoga mat. Then as I was speeding out on the road I observed a turtle right smack in the middle of my driving lane. Of course I can't just leave him there so I have to pull my vehicle off to the side while darting my eyes both ways and lunging into traffic just to save a little creature that will probably wander back into the road on a different day. Then I get stopped at every red light...." They'd be startled to say the least. Its sad that when people ask it is out of common courtesy rather than an actual investment in your life.

Today was a 'bad day' - certainly qualifies for that title. All work and no play make a bad day for certain. I won't go into detail on here because frankly I'm not sure if anyone would care anyways plus I don't have need to cause even more strife in my relationships. Although I've noticed that even when something starts small it seems to escalate into something monumental. It's as if each "bad" thing digs deeping into the abyss that is my soul and all the dark corners grow larger. I tend to think back on harder times in my past and I feel abandonment course through me. Today was tough..... I feel lost, alone, and as if I am the only person in the world sometimes.

That's not fair to anyone. Not even to people that treat me unjustly. More so though for those that truly care about me. I can think of a handful that it would scare in their own souls most likely.

The nice thing is that on a rare occasion (very rare occasion) something will happen that just strikes you. Tonight one of my long-time girlfriends sent me a link to a video that just hit home. She may actually be number one on my "most genuine" list. She is always herself and seems to understand you on a deeper level. The real gift is that she seems to have that connection with everyone. She reminds me of another friend I have named Matt. They seem to just cut right to the chase of things and know exactly the right things to say and what is truly bothering you. Its strange. In fact, she still asks me how I feel about my mom. She's just that type of person - but its not bringing up bad memories with her. It's a release.

Anyways, she seemed to know that I was having a rough time today without me saying anything of the sort to her and she posted this on my wall on facebook. I hope it means something to you the way it did to me. If not, well, there willl be SOMETHING and SOMEONE that comes to fill a gap in your heart when things feel their worst. I promise.


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