Some Tough Times

09 April 2011

I know posting has been sporadic lately and honestly that's because I've been so stressed and so incredibly bummed out.  While I want to be honest about my life, I want this blog to emphasize more of the positive. It's not a show for anyone else, its because I need a place to come to in order to focus on the positive in my own life. In fact very few of my "real life" aka non-internet friends even know I have a blog and I think only one of the three people that do know actually reads it. 

I do have a lot of good things going in my life, reasons to smile if you will, but it seems that a lot of days recently I've been focusing around the negative. I'm hoping it is a combination of stress, lack of time, and schoolwork but I'm a tad bit afraid it's not.  Lets say it is school and stress. 

Since the beginning of my junior year I've hardly had a break. Last summer I was at school by myself working 8 hours a day all summer long. I had two weeks off before school started again in fall. Now I'm three weeks away from graduation. Then I get one whole glorious week before I jump into grad school classes that go from 8:30am to 9pm at night. Then I have about a month off (during which I'll probably be working full time) then graduate school starts for the fall term. Basically I'm looking at three years of schooling with only one or two week vacations throughout. 

Sounds reasonable to be stressed and upset right? Plus with all that work I have literally no time to spend with friends. I see one (maybe two) people a week for an hour and then I don't see that same person again for another three or four weeks in order to see other people. Senior year is all work and no play. 

So, it makes sense to me that it could be stress. Yet I've always been a bit worried that since I lost my mom I've been a more negative person. I try to tell myself that it's time correlative with me getting more school work so it's impossible to know, but I'm worried. What about when school ends - will I still be negative?

Guess there's no way of knowing until I get through all of this. Challenges are good for you right?

Here's hoping I can view the rain less as a downer and more as.....  

Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Cuddles make everyone happy right?

So, how do you relax? I mean, REALLY relax? Or have fun? I could use some ideas my way right about now.

I hope this wasn't overbearingly negative. I want to be honest about myself and I'm definitely going through some rough patches, perhaps I should say a rough year.... But I want this blog to be a place to focus on the happy so here, is a list of my reasons to smile this week:
  • Ate ice cream with my Littles this week
  • Made my (old) President's day
  • Done with my high school lesson
  • One more field trip to go (hallelujah)
  • I have one heck of a fiance!
  • I've remained healthy while many are getting sick
  • Ate mexican AND pizza this week
  • Found some new vegetarian recipes
Ok, I'll meditate on that for a bit. Hope you're having a good weekend and that you're able to focus on the positive (and think those positive thoughts my way!)

PS - Hoping to do a giveaway in one week. Sorry about the wait, but at least next weekend I don't have a field trip to stop me from getting to the Market!


Morgan said...

i know how you feel!
there isn't enough time to just sit during school when you're working and not taking time off.
but (and i'm sure everyone else will agree) you are extremely ambitious and we are all envious and proud of you!

Erin {pughs' news} said...

Oh Alli, don't be so hard on yourself. I can totally understand how you would be stressed out, and how the loss of your mom would lead to you being more negative during times of stress. And it is more than okay to share that side of yourself with your readers. That's one of the wonderful things about blogging- the words of support and encouragement that come from around the world when you need them!

I'm not sure what to recommend, other than always carving out a teeny bit of time for yourself each day, even if it's just a few minutes to drink a cup of tea and listen to a favourite song. I find writing down my 3BT each night before I go to bed helps me to stay positive and to focus on the good stuff.

Sending you hugs and happy thoughts! xo

bethany said...

I'm with Erin here. Talking about sad days is equally important as happy nice-feeling as it is to hear readers say lovely things about lovely days, sometimes I enjoy the loving words left on hard days more. Knowing that someone sitting at a computer thousands of miles away knows what I'm digging through? It makes it a little better. :)

Don't be afraid to be honest about the sad. We'll love your vulnerability just as much as we love your reasons to smile!

And as far as ways to bring cheer: A few weeks ago I was rolling through some grey, negative days, when I realized that I absolutely had to change my mindset. Sure, it was easiest to continue dwelling in grey, to not have to change anything and accept that I was down. But, I decided to give myself one day of trying. To shift my mindset to thinking something positive every time something negative invaded my mental space...and to REALLY, really focus on that feeling of gratitude, even in the smallest things. Like money to buy a bowl of soup. Or the way my art history professor went out of her way to write a super lovely note on my exam. It really paid off. While life still had undertones of grey, the sunshine started to creep back in and I felt proud of myself for pushing beyond just existing in the sadness of my mind.

Other than that...just take time to be good to you. :)

Sending lots of love. :)

Haley K said...

Stay strong! You are one busy bee...and your hard work is going to pay off Alli!! this is your blog and you totally deserve a little venting time...and you are awesome to end it on a sweet note :) your list even made me smile :)

Anonymous said...

It is completely ok to have bad days. I know I beat myself up if I'm feeling down and that makes it ten times worse. I agree with both Erin and Bethany's comments, time doing things you like works wonders and finding the tiny things that make you smile in a day.

Sending you warm sunshine from a little corner of England.

The Glass Lantern said...

It is completely ok to have bad days. I know I beat myself up if I'm feeling down and that makes it ten times worse. I agree with both Erin and Bethany's comments, time doing things you like works wonders and finding the tiny things that make you smile in a day.

Sending you warm sunshine from a little corner of England.

kimbirdy said...

hang in there girl! the end of college is super hard for everyone. it's totally normal that you're so stressed/burned out. i know that doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but just know that it's a natural part of the college experience, and it won't last forever.

for me, i relax best through exercise. it's so hard to make yourself take the time to go for a run or do some yoga, but trust me, it's going to be so necessary for your sanity right now. it'll also help prevent you from getting sick while you're under so much stress. the other ways i really relax are hikes in nature, watching funny tv shows, and getting crafty making things.

i hope you find some good ways that help you relax right now. you can do it!

Megan Flynn said...

It's awful, feeling down. I hope you're feeling happier now!

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