Love & Thoughts

17 June 2011

Well, it's official. Noah and I have begun planning our wedding. 

A week ago we didn't know what budget we were working with and now we've contacted four places and gotten price estimates, have figured out our full budget, and are talking about wedding parties and the like. 

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Lately love has been on my mind a lot. I think there are three main reasons for this. 

1. Planning a wedding.

I think it's pretty easy to see how planning a wedding could bring love around you a little more. I'm sure some days it will be difficult (I think Noah and I disagree more on how to have a wedding than on anything else in our relationship) but it's such a beautiful idea to be married to that man.

2. Bethany's engagement.

Seriously blogland, if you haven't checked her out, go do it! She was proposed to in Paris a little over a week ago and her story is beautiful and very well written. It'll make you grin for sure. 

3. This one's tough.

In my life there are a few adults who mean a lot to me. Once my mom passed away I've relied on a select few to act as surrogate parents to me and to show me love at a whole different level. I recognize that Noah and I are not the only successful couple in the history of the world and that we could learn a lot from other couples out there. . I found out recently that a couple who is close to me is going through tough times in their marriage. It was a shock. 

I have always thought that they were the happiest couple ever. They have been married for over twenty years, raised kids together, and seem to agree on everything. I thought all that was the hard part! The said they're trying to work through it, but for a while they'll be living separately. 

I asked the woman in the relationship for advice and what she said was "don't get married too young" and "make sure to speak to each other's hearts and not just be good at the business aspect of the relationship". 

Usually, from what I've seen the business part is the hardest or at least it's so hard that you don't realize other things that are going on. It frustrates me a bit to hear "don't get married to young" because I won't change my plans to get married to Noah next summer. I don't mean that to be defiant, we've just been together for over six years now and I am only more in love with him. I'm not saying that will allow us to work through everything and magically solve all of our problems, but I think what we have is more than a lot of people start with. I would never give up what I have with Noah. 

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Main Ideas

Well, I guess the main thing here is that love has been on my mind a lot. Since getting out of my first heavy cluster of graduate courses Noah has been my focus. 

Healthy relationships can make our lives much easier and more satisfying although sometimes it can be work to build those relationships. 

I'll end this with a few questions.

What advice would you give to a newlywed couple or an engaged couple? What do you wish you had asked your parents about marriage? What would you want your kids to know about relationships?

3 comments:

kimbirdy said...

oh boy, let me just say that marriage is HARD. it's easy to be a citizen of blogland and be bombarded by the most lovey-dovey couples who can't seem to get enough of each other. at first this made me so angry because my real life experience was nothing like that. i think you're already ahead of the game because you've been living together {which was one of the hardest adjustments for me}, but it's also just so tricky figuring out how to be independent individuals and a united couple, where to draw lines/boundaries for lifestyles, how to negotiate plans/decisions so you both feel honored, how to reignite those loving feelings after the 7 yr. mark {there's definitely something to the 7 year itch}, and the fear of commitment doesn't go away just because you've made that decision to stay together for the long haul. it's so easy for little things to build up the resentment, so you have to stay on top of using amazing communication on a daily basis. of course, now that we're about 10 months in, things are starting to get easier for us. we're learning what works for us emotionally and on the business and lifestyle side of life. it took a whole lot of work, time, blood, sweat, and tears, but we're starting to be really happy together. i guess my point is this: be prepared for harder times than you can imagine, hang in there during the rough stuff working and fighting the adversity together, and then celebrate the smooth times whenever you have them.

iris said...

Oooh, congrats! Have you heard of A Practical Wedding? I find it interesting, sociologically, but you might find it useful, sanity-wise.

torie said...

Oh man. Well, first I wanna wish you the best! Then I want to say that, it can be terrifying to see couples you thought were perfect be torn apart. It literally brings everything into question, including your own relationship. My boyfriend and I have been there a few times, but I agree with you. You have a lot more than what most couples have starting out. Just remember why you fell in love, always. Vow to speak your mind and speak your heart, even if it isn't always pretty. Being honest with each other through everything is the absolute best thing you can do. Trust your relationship. It's when you stop trusting that problems start happening. Don't expect it to be a picnic, which I'm sure you don't, but I still think it's worth saying.

Love is the most important, and keeping that in mind, keeping it in the forefront will help your relationship a ton no matter what stage your relationship is in.

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