I've had some time to be introspective lately and it's been a little eye opening. Have you ever woken up and just realized that you were someone different than who you thought you were? It's odd... I always figured that if I redefined myself as a different type of person then it would be gradual and, I suppose, in a way it has been. I'll try to explain this.
As a kid growing up I was so shy and introverted that I was afraid I'd be voted "most shy" for superlatives in high school. Any attention embarrassed me and I had a legitimate fear of public speaking. I clearly defined myself in my head as a "follower" and a Type B personality.
While I know that over the years I've been getting over that and have taken steps forward it wan't really until this past week that I really grasped how much I've changed with time and experience (and work). Within hours of knowing me words such as "outgoing", "alpha", "leader", and "extrovert" were used to describe me at orientation. And the crazy thing was, once I had a day for those words to sink in, I decided those words were right. It's like I suddenly realized that my years of working to be the person I wanted to be had paid off.
I feel more comfortable in a leadership role than I do not in one, I want to meet so many people and try so many different things, and I want my life to be something I look back on and feel accomplished about. And the best part is I'm there.
There are of course more things I want to happen, friendships I desperately want to hang on to, more goals to meet. It just is startling to realize that I am the person who will make it happen instead of hoping it comes and finds me one day.
This whole post feels weird to put on the internet, but this blog has always been a space for me before anything and anyone else and it just felt like a milestone in my mind. In fact, I don't think these measly paragraphs even begin to touch the feelings I have inside right now, but I want to have them down, preserved, somewhere for a time. It's not every day that you wake up and feel like a different person.